Love is what gives you the patience and persistence to hone all the skills you need to become the BEST you can become.
On May 22nd, 2021 my brother got married.
I pray that God keeps them close for the rest of their lives. 🙂
My brother has taken his time — he has bought a car, a house, an air fryer all before he had a wife. He has continued to excel in his career, and gets recruited for new jigs every few years. He fixes whatever gets broken, and likes to problem solve all kinds of things in a routine way. He builds the toys he gets for the kids, and gives the most personalized gifts. He is a good brother, and an awesome uncle.
On May 28th, I got married.
At 19, I married the first (and only) boy who proposed to me. I married the one who whisked me away in his romantic gestures in his dad’s minivan. He proposed to me at my favorite high school park by the river. For 15 years, he has been a constant and reliable partner, sort of like a Honda Odessey. He was family-oriented before we even had kids, and continues to be a source of stability in my life. He lights up a room with his stories, and he is the center of attention wherever he goes because he has that affect of bringing hearts together. He performed my brother’s marriage ceremony. He is an attorney, through he could as easily be a nasheed artist or a fry cook or a doctor. Despite all this time, he still surprises me with the skills I didn’t know he had.
SIDE NOTE: As I write this, our son is vigorously beating bamboo into a million pieces on my deck, and our daughter is quietly collecting weeds in the backyard into a necklace. The perfect stereotypes apply to my children.
When I got married, I had no ability to drive, to cook, to manage myself –let alone manage a home. I had little interest in homemaking — except I did buy a postcard of a woman ironing at the Guggenheim once. My father in law patiently taught me how to use a knife to cut an onion. He taught me how to cook, how to clean, how to do things to survive as an adult. He taught me about the stock market. He taught me to get rid of any debt. He taught me to make chutney. My father in law gave me a job in his business, when the economy was shot, and my husband struggled in his corporate job. I moved from my parents’ home to my in-laws’ home, and stayed there because I believed that there was no such thing as forever. I enjoyed the company of cousins, my brother in law, my mother in law, and all my husband’s relatives — as I figured out how to pursue my dreams living in a dream myself. My husband is the epitome of patience and perseverance, as is his father.
As I reflect on the last 15 years, there’s been so much that has changed, and so much that has remained exactly the same. I feel like I am teetering on childhood and adulthood in moments of transition. Not quite ready to accept the tax bills– thank God, he pays our taxes– but willing to drive to the beach on a weekday with the kids, I am confident that we bring our assets to the table, to make the most of our days, and our lives together. Sometimes I think of myself as the CFO– Chief Fun Officer — for our home, and he is the one that makes sure we actually have a home.
Patience and persistence is what makes the marriage strong. We do our best to remain patient in times of difficulty and ease. We are persistent in the things that matter, and have added new things to be persistent about.
I’m sure my husband marvels at the chaos of my cooking. Maybe he marvels at the way I parent– letting the kids run wild and free and barefoot. The way I homeschool, which has been a moving target each day. The way I enjoy/endure 60+ hours with my children. The values that brought us together are still what we have as touchstones. The values have only deepened, because even as our environments change (or don’t change) we stick to the same behaviors and actions that make us who we are. At our core, we are travelers in this world. We are not here for any permanent delights or ease. We both value our faith, our family and our friends.
My family feels complete now that I have a sister. I am thrilled to welcome a beautiful, talented woman into our family. Here are some photos from their gorgeous ceremony. I hope for my brother and sister-in-law a long, prosperous, and enduring marriage. May we all continue to be the best versions of ourselves in relation to the one we are happily with.